<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>i had a dream, i got everything i wanted by thegreenfairy246</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27417142">i had a dream, i got everything i wanted</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegreenfairy246/pseuds/thegreenfairy246'>thegreenfairy246</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Castiel and Dean Winchester in Love, Dean Winchester In Love, Dean Winchester is Bad at Feelings, Denial of Feelings, Feelings, Feelings Realization, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, POV Dean Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 00:55:30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,280</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27417142</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegreenfairy246/pseuds/thegreenfairy246</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>castiel tells dean something that changes their relationship forever</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Castiel/Dean Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>67</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>i had a dream, i got everything i wanted</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <i>"Because the one thing I want, it's something I know I can't have."</i>
</p><p>Dean's last conversation with Cas hasn't stopped replaying in his mind. Cas's love confession, Dean's dumbstruck stare, it's all on repeat. He's on the floor of his bedroom, whiskey bottle next to him. Hours ago, it had started because Cas had knocked on his door and asked to talk. Dean is sure if he had known then how the conversation would play out he would have prepared himself. If he had known Cas was going to say that he <i>loves</i> him and then leave, Dean wouldn't have let his own fear get in the way. He would have come up with something better to say than, "Why does this sound like a goodbye?" He would have told Cas that he loved him too. Because he does, of course he does. He takes another swig off the bottle, trying to forgive himself for letting Cas walk out the door.</p><p>He wakes with a start, not realizing he'd fallen asleep. He can feel the dried tears on his cheeks, and last night comes back to him. From Cas leaving all the way to the reason for his current throbbing headache. Getting his hands underneath him, he gets off the floor. Throughout his whole body, he can feel the strain of sleeping in such a strange way. Seeing no point in hiding away, he stumbles to the kitchen. He's hoping against hope that no one will be there, but as soon as he clears the door he sees him and Jack at the table. </p><p>Jack notices him walk in. "Good morning, Dean."</p><p>Dean only grunts and pours himself some coffee.</p><p>"Dean? You okay?" Sam asks.</p><p>He nods. "Fine."</p><p>Sam doesn't seem convinced, but he doesn't push it. Dean takes a seat next to Jack and tries to focus on only his coffee. The tension rolling off Dean must be thick, because Jack tries to offer a change of subject.</p><p>"Have you seen Cas? He hasn't come out of his room today."</p><p>Dean's heart does a funny kind of flip in his chest. He speaks around the lump in his throat. "He's gone."</p><p>The comment gets Sam's attention. "Gone? What do you mean gone?"</p><p>Dean sighs. "I mean he left. Last night."</p><p>"Why?" Jack questions. </p><p>Dean just shrugs. "How should I know?" Tired of questions he doesn't want to answer, he moves to go back to his room. Before he can get there, he's cornered in the hallway by Sam.</p><p>"What really happened?"</p><p>Dean thinks about lying but he doesn't really see the point. Sam might as well get to blame Dean too. "He…we had a conversation, and he left afterwards." Dean sighs. When he speaks again, it's in a whisper. "I messed up, Sam. It's my fault he's gone."</p><p>"Hey, we can fix it." Sam places a hand on his shoulder in an attempt at comfort. "You want me to see if I can track his phone?"</p><p>A spark of hope ignites in Dean's gut. He nods jerkily, taking a shuddering breath to try and calm down.</p><p>Sam nods. "Okay. I'll let you know what I find."</p><p>Dean can't bring himself to go with Sam to the library. To be there and see Sam not be able to find Cas would be too much for him. Soon, there's a knock at his door. </p><p>"Come in," Dean calls.</p><p>Sam sticks his head through the crack in Dean's door. "I found him."</p><p>An hour later, Dean is halfway to Wichita. Sam had told him that was as far as Cas had gotten. An absurd little part of Dean thinks he stayed close on purpose.</p><p>Somehow, when Dean pulls up in front of Cas's hotel, it feels too soon and like it's been forever all at once. When he's out of the car, he realizes he's got no idea where to start. He could knock on all the doors, he guessed, but he'd be here for days. Feeling hopeless, he notices Cas's car on the other side of the parking lot. Dean takes a chance on the door closest to the car, raising his fist to knock. He's rewarded when he finds Cas on the other side.</p><p>Cas is particularly soft when he opens the door. He's in a t-shirt and sweats, like he'd been in bed. It's only then Dean realizes how early it is. Cas runs a hand through his disheveled hair before saying, "Dean? What are you doing here?"</p><p>"I had to talk to you."</p><p>Cas sighs. "Dean, I told you I needed to leave. The way I feel about you, I can't be there with you all the time. I need," he pauses to take a deep breath, "I need to move on."</p><p>Dean nods. "I understand why you feel that way, I do. But if you'll just let me explain. Please." Dean can see Cas considering it so he adds, "If you still want me to go after you've heard what I have to say, I will. No questions asked."</p><p>"Alright." Cas nods. "Come in."</p><p>Inside, Dean can feel all his carefully thought out words slipping away. It makes him panic, but he knows he needs to do this. He has to let Cas know. He takes a deep breath. "Cas, I'm so sorry. God…" Dean stops and paces the length of Cas's hotel room. He looks Cas in the eyes before he says, "I knew what I wanted to say, you have to believe that much. I know I didn't say it, but I did know. I always have."</p><p>Cas offers him a small nod, and Dean takes it as encouragement. </p><p>"I just, I couldn't make myself say it. I- I didn't want to lose you." Dean shrugs. "But what I did…I lost you anyway. I was afraid, Cas, when you told me." Dean shakes his head. "It had to hurt you, more than I could know, and I'm sorry."</p><p>"It's alright, Dean. I never needed you to reciprocate. I just needed you to know how I feel. If you don't feel the same-"</p><p>Dean has to cut him off. He stops his pacing. "That's just it Cas, I do! I love you. I have for years." Dean watches Cas's face, looks for any trace of belief there. All he sees is a smile working it's way across his face. Dean watches and waits until he can't anymore. "Cas? C'mon, man, you've gotta say something."</p><p>Cas doesn't say anything at all. It's beginning to make Dean nervous.</p><p>"Cas?"</p><p>This time, he takes the few steps to close the distance between them. When he's right in front of Dean, he puts a hand on the side of Dean's face. He can't help but lean into the contact. </p><p>"You're a good man Dean Winchester," Cas whispers. Then his lips are on Dean's. Dean can feel it all the way down to his toes. He's never understood when people said a kiss could make their knees weak. Now he does. Cas pulls away to take a breath.</p><p>"What I feel for you…" Dean trails off with a chuckle. "It scares the crap out of me."</p><p>"Me too." Cas murmurs against his lips. "But we don't have to be afraid anymore. We're together now."</p><p>Dean nods, a smile on his face. "Yeah. We're together. Finally."</p><p>Cas chuckles and Dean feels a surge of pride. He presses another quick kiss to Cas's lips. "Come back to the bunker with me."</p><p>"Okay. Later." Cas grins. "First…" He kisses Dean again, longer this time, a quiet familiarity starting to grow. For Dean,, it comes with the knowledge that he's finally, truly, happy.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hi! thank y'all for reading! if you liked it you can follow me on tumblr @blackberrybucky</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>